![]() ‘Don’t you know, there are an unlimited number of ass***** in America.’ ” “The angel smiled like, well, like an angel. “I studied them closely, knowing I’d be living the rest of my life with my answer. There was another one, but it didn’t look like anything but a bull’s-eye. There was also a cross, like cartoonists draw eyes on people who have been knocked silly. Six different sizes and shapes, from the vertical crack with a pencil piercing to an asterisk like Kurt Vonnegut drew in whichever book he drew anuses in. “ ‘Would you care for a replacement?’ She opened the box to show me six anuses in velvet slots. She glided to my side and whispered, ‘That doctor just ripped out your backside.’ I said, “Glass slippers is Cinderella, Clyde. She carried a walnut case in both hands, like a cigar box. “She shimmered with translucent blue skin, a white satin bikini, and wings. ![]() I opened my eyes before I was supposed to and there she stood, next to my bed.” “They had me by myself in a holding room where they take you after the operation till you wake up. Clyde doesn’t believe in extrasensory beings. You’ll meet the same angel I did when I was coming out of the anesthesia.” “Can I have your TV when they shoot you?” Clyde covets my flat screen. It is the best thing we have done since we passed the bill last year making it illegal to teach science in science class.Ĭlyde looked up from my letter. For the rest of you liberals, I suggest you purchase a sports package from ESPN and stay home. ![]() The opposing team’s parents.įor those of us who enjoy life when it is interesting as opposed to safe, this bill is wonderful news. Now, think what would have happened had she been packing iron. I recall a few years ago when a concerned Star Valley mother charged onto the mat at a wrestling match and physically attacked a referee. Sadly, this is not satire or paranoid ramblings. See if our free-throw shooting percentage doesn’t go down. Just wait till our guard stands at the free-throw line and the entire student section behind the basket starts waving semi-automatic weapons-all legal. Will our basketball team be relaxed knowing everyone in the gymnasium hates their guts for being filthy-rich environmentalists and, what’s worse, Democrats, from the despised Teton County? And all these angry yet fine people have guns. Those folks aren’t about to pass a local law that infringes on their Second Amendment rights. The bill also grants those with a permit to carry guns in government buildings, public schools (no more F’s in social studies!), and public events, such as Fourth of July fireworks displays (another get-together of 10,000 drunks).īut think Star Valley. That shoot-out at the Border War that journalists love to write about will no longer be a metaphor. You have to remember the Colorado State fans-stoned to the gills on legal marijuana-will also be armed. My feeling is most of the actual shooting will take place within the stands. Imagine you are the Colorado State quarterback and you drop back to zip a pass to your wide receiver in the end zone and you realize that at a minimum, you are surrounded by 20,000 rabid, screaming fans, in many cases, drunk fans, in some cases, with the impulse control of ten-year-olds-heck, this is Wyo-ming, some of them will be ten-year-olds-and all these insane people are armed to the teeth. I have a prediction: When House Bill 114, the “Wyoming Repeal Gun-Free Zones Act” passes, and it will eventually, the Wyoming Cowboys football team will never lose another home game. “Even saying the word ‘gun’ in Wyoming can get you bashed. “Is it about politics? I don’t believe in politics.” I could tell he was faking he hadn’t been nodding before I asked him to read my letter. It’s my Letter to the Editor.”Ĭlyde went into a narcotic nod. ![]() “Maybe old-timers had nothing better to do than castrate moose just to see what would happen. He said, “Old-timers called them Devil’s Horns.” “Even so, I’ve watched moose through binoculars a lot in my life, and I never could tell if they were castrated or not.”Ĭlyde peered down at his phone. “I think it was from natural castration causes, like jumping a barbed wire fence.” “I’d rather know how they figured that out.” He looked up at me and said, “Did you know a castrated moose won’t drop his antlers come winter?” I found Clyde sitting up in bed in a painkiller fog doing what everyone does in bed these days-reading stuff off his phone. Westerners refuse to post-it’s wimpy, like an Englishman riding to the hounds-so, at a trot, our bottoms whack the saddle like clapping hands at a concert. John’s Hospital to show Clyde Walsowski-Smith, who was recovering from a hemorrhoid operation because he spent too much time on a horse. I TOOK MY Letter to the Editor over to St.
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